Snow in late March calls for a proper series of would you rathers. Here are some goodies I have come up with to save you from your horrible and mundane life. Your welcome.
Would you rather live in a world in which reggae music is perpetually playing in your ear and only yours? or everything that touches your lips gains 100 grams of sodium, thus tarnishing the taste, and effecting your fluid levels?
Would you rather have all the exits in your apartment be a waterslide, or have to sufficiently tickle your cupboards to get them to open every time?
Would you rather have to talk like Dr. Suess or Shakespeare?
Which nickname would you rather have: Poppy LaFleur Montgomery or Rin Tin Adepteau Fantastique?
Would you rather have small pieces of paper towel stuck to your face as if you had nicked yourself shaving that very morning, or have each tooth bear a small mosaic of a shattered record covers of your choice?
Would you rather have the shattered mosaic on each tooth, or instead of eyebrows, have a miniature jumbotron across your forehead displaying your thoughts?
Would you rather be forced to allot 5 hours of your day to line dancing, or wake up every day at 7:30 a.m. everyday and bake 27 loaves of pumpernickle bread. (You don’t get to eat any of that shit, but have to ship it to Michigan to make up for all the garbage we send them.)
Would you rather have to hang out with Charlie Sheen every weekend, or hang out with Hannah Montanna (not Miley Cyrus. No Salvia.)
Would you rather be forced to endure three separate 3 hour lectures twice per day, at any given time of your choice, or have all the free time in the world but have to always wear a sandwich board that says “I do Steven Harper’s hair”
Would you rather have freckles that, in the sun, projected a thin ray of light like a light saber, or have small micro-hairs all over your body that constantly wiggled like worms?
Would you rather have vibrantly colourful tribal face paint on at all times, or have a 3 foot beehive hair-do?