She Forgot to Pay the Bills by Aysha Anwar

In this thought-provoking piece Aysha explores the obsessive mentality of a lonely girl, who fights to find love from the world but forgets to find love for herself.

She Forgot to Pay The Bills

because what is little light lady without
the high five
the thumbs up
the smirk
the company
the nod of approval she gets from you?

you see?

little light lady wants you to love her.
little light lady has learned how to make you love her.
little light lady has created a step by step list that little light lady’ll use to get you to love her:

First, she’ll agree with everything you say
Second, she’ll listen to your favourite songs, watch your favourite shows
Third, she won’t tell you how much she hates them
Fourth, she’ll drive you to work, to school, to the grocery store
Fifth, she’ll give you the aux cord
Sixth, she’ll cry when you cry, laugh when you laugh, punch when you punch
Seventh, she’ll give your space when you need it, come back when your space is full
Eighth,
Ninth,
Tenth,

it works every time.

little light lady has gotten so good at
giving and giving and giving her light,
everyone has gotten so good at
taking and taking and taking and taking and taking and taking and taking it.

its a system, she says
can’t argue with the system.

but light leaves her with every breath,
escapes through her chrysalis by the second,
it darkens her smile her eyes her body when she gets home,
when she’s alone.

little light lady is now
little lady.

her cheeks so cold,
her heart so slow,
her legs so numb.

she sits quiet,
sits still.

still, little lady wants you to love her.

because what is little lady if not the high five she gets from you?

and it’s not sunny today.
and it’s snowing outside, the kind that shuts down the roads.
and it’s lonely here, the kind that makes you mad.

and the lights, they’ve just gone out.

she forgot to pay the bills.

 

 

 

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